by Stephen Lennstrom
On March 17, four leaf clovers, “Shamrocks”
if you will- emphasis on the “sham”- will be
painted on cheeks and slapped on car bumpers
and sketched onto arms. I will probably
spend St. Patrick’s Day like always, at home
sitting in front of my door with a loaded
shotgun waiting for the first crazy drunk to
come crashing in. The fact is that St. Paddy’s
has become all hype and no amount of fake
corned hash or green beer can drown out
Am I against alcohol? Or the several “Irish”
bars or restaurants in the area that will benefit
from an Irish holiday? Not at all. I’m
not even against the whole concept of St.
Patrick’s Day. But do me a favor and look
deep down inside yourself. Ask yourself
whether or not you really, honestly believe
that you are Irish. Better yet, ask yourself if
you really care.
The United States Census Bureau says
there are 34.7 million people in the United
States that claim Irish ancestry. That’s amazing
when you know there only 4.2 million
Irish in Ireland.
True, there has been a massive amount of
Irish immigration to America. But I am positive
that the amount of people who are even
a quarter Irish has to be much smaller than
34.7 million. In terms of my own ancestry, I
must admit I am merely a quarter Irish, but
my point is still valid.
To be honest, it irks me when I see people
with t-shirts from shopirish.com or celticclothing.
com that say “Kiss me I’m Irish!”
and have images of pretty little leprechauns
and shamrocks. Really? You’re Irish? I’m sorry,
I guess I’ve just never met someone from
Ireland who speaks Chinese as their first
I’m not being prejudice, I’m just being logical.
Why lie to people so that you can feel
like you’re “one of the cool Irish people.”
Believe me we’re not that cool and we don’t
really care for people who are just in it for the
beer and pretzels.
I don’t go to pow-wows and start dancing
with Native Americans because I’m
not Native American. And I don’t celebrate
Chinese New Year. You know why? I’ll give
you a hint…I’m not Chinese.
So you’re just having fun, you just want to
get drunk and maybe score at a pub downtown,
fine. If that’s the case then let’s call it,
“March 17, the night when I score.” Stop
putting your foreign concepts all over my
And what about the original St. Patrick?
Does anyone care that the guy was an exslave
turned Christian missionary? In
Ireland until only lately, they would shut the
bars down on March 17 in order to honor his
So where will you be on March 17? At a bar,
as drunk as an alcoholic the Friday after he
lose his job? At home with a gun? Or maybe
you’ll be one of the few real Irish who spend
the day with their parents before attending a
church service and remembering the actual
guy, St. Patrick. Either way if I were you…I’d
stay away from my front door.