Al Capone
Al Capone likes the ladies. That’s right, he’s a ladies man, through and through. Them ladies like Al Capone also, because he is the Man. He carries a big gun, likes to wear skimpy swimsuits that reveal his manly physique, and when he gives them the look, they swoon like swoony swooners. (Them ladies also likes Capone, because Capone can get away with speaking in the third person, and no one is going to say otherwise. Except Capone’s mommy, who doesn’t put up with such nonsense, and coincidentally makes the best marinara sauce outside of Marinara, Italy. Capone doesn’t know if there is a Marinara, Italy, but that’s what his mommy always told him.)
Now what Capone’s got to say is this: Even though you may be a big burly lumberjack, who sleeps all night, and works all day, you still have to show the ladies that you can be sensitive. And no, not that kind of sensitive. Not some sissy-boy afraid of his own shadow. No, not some little boy who cries to his mommy whenever he sees his own shadow. That for sure is not what the ladies want. In reality, even Capone doesn’t know for sure what kind of sensitive the ladies want, he just fakes it. It has worked so far, so Capone has decided in his infinite wisdom to pass on his secrets to those of you guys who haven’t a clue about how a real man fakes being sensitive.
The basic trick to false sensitivity is having a few choice catch phrases that you can call upon in a moment’s notice. For example, “Hey babe, how you doin?” is a good one to start off with. It ripens them ladies up and sets a good first impression. A phrase like that lets them know that you are a class act, imminently worthy of their love and affection. Use it often. Try to say it in a low, sexy voice. That makes any catch-phrase just that much better.
Another phrase you can use is, “That movie made me real sad, toots.” Capone find’s this one a handy phrase to use when forced to watch any movie with less than three explosions. Unfortunately, not every movie can be directed by John Woo, so be prepared. Girls like to watch all sorts of frilly, non-manly movies, so you might need an spare catch-phrase like, “That Orlando Bloom is the next Leonardo DiCaprio, the bum.”
Capone can’t give you every catch-phrase in his arsenal, but here are a few more for you to practice: “Hey Baby-cakes, your poetry is real good,” or, “That song really makes me feel real melancholy-like, Sweet-cheeks.” You can do some additonal research by watching a few of the most sensitive movies ever made like The Godfather (I and II), Scarface, or Once Upon a Time in New York. They are chock full of sensitive sensitivities that a (fake)sensitive man such as yourself can learn from. Practice your catchphrases in a low, sexy voice and you too can be known the world over for your sensitivity, just like Al Capone.
This is the Doctor, signing out.