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Molly Ivins in church: rolling in the aisle

Molly Ivins is a journalist and columnist, but above all she is a talented storyteller in the Mark Twain tradition. Tuesday evening, Oct. 21, with more than just a hint of a Texas accent and a lilt reminiscent of Arlo Guthrie, Ivins promoted her new book and shared a few of her more famous stories with a crowd of fans who filled Seattle First Baptist Church.

The new book (co-written with Lou Dubose) called “Bushwhacked: Life in George W. Bush’s America” examines the effects of Bush administration policies on some “typical” Americans. In Ivins’ view, what most people perceive as minor changes in regulations, or as she saids, “Sub-section Three, Article 22 of the Interstate Dilly-Dally Compact,” are matters of life and death to some citizens. As an example, she told of fish-processing workers in Mississippi and how they were plagued with gangliatic cysts caused by the repetitive stress of filleting 12 catfish per minute, eight hours per day. She went on to relate their problems to the blocking of workplace ergonomics regulations by Bush’s solicitor of labor, Eugene Scalia (son of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia). Scalia, before joining the Labor Department, had spent much of his career as a lobbyist for the National Association of Manufacturers fighting against just such regulation.

Ivins, a self-styled populist who has spent years reporting on Texas politics and the career of George W. Bush, was clearly less eager to tell the serious stories of her new book than in telling some of the more humorous ones that have made her famous.

“That’s the story of our book,” she said, “ and I hope y’all read it. But actually I came to talk to you about something else entirely … Here’s the deal, I consider it my mission in life … to cheer up Americans of the liberal persuasion … You have got to have more fun … It’s not difficult. We find in Texas that imagination and beer are particularly effective.”

With that intro, Ivins launched into a string of stories which seemed to prove, if Ivins is to be believed, that politics in Texas is a real laugh riot. Most, if not all, of her stories had appeared in earlier books, but the audience didn’t seem to mind hearing them again. Among the apparent favorites were: the “package deal,” whereby Texas adopted Martin Luther King Day as a holiday but kept Confederate Heroes Day; the speaker of the Texas Legislature, one Mr. Gibb, whose command of the English language was so bad it was said he only spoke “Gibberish;” The same Mr. Gibb who, before the entire assembly, asked a group of wheelchair-bound spectators to “stand and be recognized;” and the several thousand citizens of Austin who mooned the Ku Klux Klan as they paraded through the state capital.

Ivins’ normally salty speech was somewhat, but only somewhat, restrained in deference to the fact the she was speaking in church. She still managed to remark, when asked about Arnold Schwarzenegger, that she thought he looked “like a condom stuffed with walnuts.”

Ivins’ remarks were followed by questions from the audience and a book signing. The event was sponsored by the Elliot Bay Book Co., Seattle First Baptist Church and Seattle Thunder. Future author appearances sponsored by the Elliot Bay Book Co. can be found