Sex with S&M
Dear S&M,
I’m ready to have sex. The problem is that I don’t know what condom I should buy. I didn’t realize there were so many to choose from. Help.
Signed, Lost in Latex
Dear Lost in Latex,
We, being S&M, have decided to help you out. So we ventured off to our local Lover’s Package to get the 411 on condoms. The first selections we examined are flavored condoms. We looked into ten flavors. Here is the breakdown:
Taste the Rainbow!
Strawberry – The best flavor by far because it’s a standard.
Watermelon – Bad
Coconut – Good
Butterscotch – The second best flavor in the selection.
Chocolate – Extra bad
Banana – Bad
Grape – Good if you like grape. S does not.
Mint – Disgusting
Cola – Good
Vanilla – Bad
Flavors are on the inside so
that they transfer onto the penis
for some good foreplay action.
This is the flavor breakdown
so dive on in and taste
the rainbow.
Studded or ribbed condoms are for added pleasure for the ladies.
For the manly men out there, there are extra-large condoms that would put any mortal man to shame. It’s scary, because even an ordinary condom has enough stretch-ability to fit over a person’s head! We don’t recommend you buy one unless you really want to send your psychologist a large sum of money for treatment.
The most important thing though is to use a condom every time you have sex. With the proliferation of un-wanted babies and STD’s, condom use is essential to maintaining the S&M life-style. Try one out for size!
-S&M
